I wish I could punch you in the face.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
