i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
