anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
