what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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