It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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