just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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