just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
