I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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