i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
