I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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