Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
