Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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