i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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