sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
