dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Barsexuality is the new black.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
