Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize