You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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