Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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