i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
