I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
