Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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