So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize