My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
