I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
