He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
