how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
