gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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