I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
