People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
