I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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