The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
