Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize