so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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