the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
