I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
