Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
