Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
