This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
