Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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