just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize