I've blown a few things in my day
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
