Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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