i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
