That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
