Moan for me like Helen Keller
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
