I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
