God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
