well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
