My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
