I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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