trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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