he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
