grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
