I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
