well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
