May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize