Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
