i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
