I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
