they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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