I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
