it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I look better un-naked...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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