You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
