I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
