I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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