Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
