before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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