they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize