...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
