my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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