The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
