Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize