there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
