Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We need to rekindle our bromance
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
