Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
