i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
