I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
