what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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