The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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