watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
