What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
