Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
