She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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