i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
