you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
