just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
